non existant.

non existant.

the words that describe the mother figure i have. she walked out of my life this week, saying how i need to give her an apology for not giving her the respect that she is needed. i'm sorry the last time i checked, i was the one calling her all of the time, trying to set up little get together dates and just to be around her. she never once called me or asked me how things were going, i always started the conversation between the two of us. i truly envy anyone who has a mother, because at least you have someone to go to when there is something wrong in your life. all i have are friends and their mothers ... not saying it's a bad thing, but it still isn't my mother. when people say, oh you have several other people that love you just as much... those people can't give me the type of love a mother can. in a way i'm glad that she's gone, only because she hasn't really been there for me lately it's like she walked away months ago. but when i got the email she sent me saying that this is good bye from your mom, it hit pretty hard. my heart broke seconds after reading that sentence. my children (when i have them) will not have a grandmother from their mothers side, and i also won't have the advice that a mother would give her daughter while picking out her wedding dress, because she decided it would be for the best. this makes me so angry to know that the person i needed the most walked away from all responsibilities of a mother. i will never be like her, as much as people say you grow into the mother you had. I will NOT be her. she raised me good, but she obviously didn't rasie herself good enough to be a mother.

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